
^55 



PRICE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS 




A TRANSACTION 
STOCKS 

A COMEDY IN ONE ACT 
BY 

RALPH W. TAG 






l^fe^^: 













it^>i. 



<TV^ 






DICK & FITZGERALD 

PUBLISHERS 

i8 Ann Street, New York 


















PLAYS FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY 

J5 CENTS EACH 

r 

CRANFORD DAMES. 2 Scenes; 1}^ hours 8 

GERTRUDE MASON, M.D. 1 Act; 30 minutes 7 

CHEERFUL COMPANION. 1 Act; 25 minutes 2 

LESSON IN ELEGANCE. 1 Act; 30 mmutes 4 

MAIDENS ALL FORLORN. 3 Acts; I14 hours 6 

MURDER ^VILL OUT. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

ROMANCE OF PHYLLIS. 3 Acts; 1J4 hours 4 

SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS. 1 Act; 45 minutes 5 

OUTWITTED. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 

WHITE DOVE OF ONEIDA. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 4 

SWEET FAMILY. lAct;lhour 8 

BELLES OF BLACKVILLE. 1 Act; 2 hours 30 

PRINCESS KIKU. (25 cents) 13 

RAINBOW KIMONA. (25 cents.) 2 Acts; 1^ hours 9 

MERF^ OLD MAIDS. (25 cents.) Motion Song 11 

PLAYS FOR MALE CHARACTERS ONLY 

IS CENTS EACH 

M 

APRIL FOOLS. 1 Act; 80 minutes 3 

BYRD AND HURD. 1 Act; 40 minutes '. 6 

DARKEY WOOD DEALER. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 

WANTED, A MAHATMA. 1 Act: 30 minutes 4 

HOLY TERROR. 1 Act; 30 minutes. . < 4 

MANAGER'S TRIALS. 1 Act; 1 hour 9 

MEDICA. 1 Act; 35 minutes 7 

NIGGER NIGHT SCHOOL. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

SLIM JIM AND THE HOODOO. 1 Act; 30 minutes 5 

WANTED. A CONFIDENTIAL CLERK. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

SNOBSON'S STAG PARTY. 1 Act; 1 hour 12 

PICKLES AND TICKLES. 1 Act; 20 minutes 6 

HARVEST STORM. 1 Act; 40 minutes 10 

CASE OF HERR BAR ROOMSKI. Mock Trial; 2 hours.... 28 

DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. Mock Trial. 22 

GREAT LIBEL CASE. Mock Trial; 1 Scene; 2 hours 21 

RIDING THE GOAT. Burlesque Initiation; 1 Scene; li^ hours 24 

DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



A Transaction in Stocks 



^ t^amth^ in ®ne JVct 



By RALPH W. TAG 

Author of Handy Solomon 



Copyright 1915 by Dick & Fitzgerald 



V 



NEW YORK 
DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 Ann Street 



A Transaction In Stocks 



CHARACTERS 

Miss Alice DuBisson Of the staff of Griswold Sanitarium 

Mr. Gerald Farnum A young lawyer 

Mr. Patrick McGrath Attendant at Griswold Sanitarium 

Mr. John Langdon a Mining Promotor 

Dr. Griswold Head of the Sanitarium 

Time.— The present. Locality.— A suburb of New York. 

Time of Playing.— About forty-five minutes. 

COSTUMES 

Miss DuBisson— Conventional. Must be very neat and not 
elaborate. 

Gerald Farnum — Evening dress. 

Pat McGrath— Blue uniform. Later woman's dress with 
wig. 

John Langdon — Conventional. He wears grey wig and side- 
whiskers, carries cane and wears thick eye-glasses. 
Dr. Griswold — Conventional. 

PROPERTIES 

Writing pads, pencils, letters, books, etc., on desk. Syphon 
of carbonated water and jar of powders (sugar) on table L 
Day calendar set to 26th, on wall r. Paper (agreement) for 
Langdon. Bills, visiting card and watch for Farnum. Watch 
for Pat. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS 

As seen by a performer on the stage facing the audience, r 
means right hand ; l., left hand ; c, center of stage ; d. r., door 
at right ; d. l., door at left ; c. d., center door ; up means toward 
back of stage ; down, toward footlights. 



TMP96-006776 






A Transaction In Stocks 



Scene. — The office of the Griswold Sanitarium. Early morn- 
ing. Flat top desk in c, liberally covered icith papers. 
Chairs at loth sides of desk. Lounge up r. Screen up l. 
Table down l. Book-case, filing cabinet, etc. Day calendar 
set to 26th on wall r. Doors at c. r. and l. DISCOV- 
ERED Dr. Griswold at desk, absorbed in perusal of let- 
ter; Gerald Farnum, in full evening dress, stretched out on 
lounge, sleeping. Pat McGrath standing at foot of lounge, 
hands on hips, looking down at Farnum. 

Pat. It's a foine lookin' lad he is, Oi'm thinkin', Doctor, 

Dr. Griswold {without looking up). H'di — yes. 

Pat. He don't look wan bit loike the gineral run of booz- 
fighters what comes here to be cured, he don't. 

Dr. G. (looking up). Some such thought struck me upon 
my first sight of him. Still, if he is as confirmed in his addic- 
tion to alcohol as his relatives proclaim him to be, he may prove 
a troublesome patient. 

Pat. Go on wid ye. Is he as bad as all that? 

Dr. G. Yes, indeed. He has an unenviable reputation. 

Pat. You don't say. Tell us about him, will you, Doc? 
(Goes down) 

Dr. G. He was brought here in the small hours of the 
morning in an automobile, by his uncle and another gentle- 
man. He was in the same unconscious condition in which you 
see him now and they explained that they were forced to bring 
him here in that condition, because in his sober moments he 
does not admit his enslavement to strong drink and refuses to 
submit to treatment. However, we have his uncle's wTitten per- 
mission to keep him here until we successfully treat him. 

Pat (scratching his head). Well, you'd niver know it to 
look at him. He looks as peaceable as a captain in the Salva- 
tion Army. 

Dr. G. Yes, he certainly lacks the usual outward signs of 

3 



1' » 



4 A Transaction in Stocks 

the confirmed alcoholic, but then we must not judge. He may 
possess one of those freak constitutions which appear to thrive 
upon debauchery. 

Pat. And phwat might his name be? 

Dr. G. (consulting paper on desk). Er — Gerald Farnum — a 
lawyer with offices in Broad street. (Consults watch and rises) 
Well, I must be off. I am going down to New York. I shall 
be back this afternoon. When he wakes you may assign him 
a room, and give him one of those powders, (Indicates jar on 
table) It will help him get on his feet again. (Goes to g. J^.) 
Remember, he is to have no freedom whatever and is not to 
be allowed to communicate with his friends by telephone or 
letter. 

Pat. Oi got you. Doctor. Oi'll kape me eye on him all right, 
all right. I know how to handle thim birds. 

Db. G. Very well, I leave him in your care. [EXIT d. l. 

Pat. Sure, you niver can be after telling, just like the 
doctor says. A foiner lookin' lad Oi niver see and, be dad, if 
he ain't a regular booz-foighter. Well, you see all koinds in a 
place loike this. (Farnum stirs uneasih/ on lounge and groans 
softly) Oho! Here he comes. I wonder how he'll loike his 
new home. (Farnum stirs again and groans louder) Well, 
me foine lad, how does the marnin' after shtroike ye? 

Farnum (opens his eyes and gazes slowly about without 
sitting up. Calls weakly). James, 

Pat. Pat's me handle. Pat it is and Oi don't shtand for bein* 
called James. 

Farnum (muttering). What's that? (Sits up ivith a great 
deal of effort and talks very iceakly) What time is it? 

Pat. It's noine o'clock, your honor, 

Farnum (sinking back again on lounge). Didn't I tell you 
to get me up at eight? 

Pat (grinning). Sure you were shlaping so peaceable Oi 
didn't have the heart to wake you. 

Farnum. Fool ! ( Groans ) Oh, how my head aches ! 

Pat. Well, phwat would you expect it to do? 

Farnum (sitting up). Where was I last night? 

Pat, Oi'll bite. Where were you? 

Farnum. You insolent pup! I'll — (He attempts to rise from 
lounge and for the first time looks fully at Pat, then sinks 
slowly back on lounge and becomes aware that he is dressed in 
evening clothes. He holds out his arms and surveys first him- 
self and then Pat in great bewilderment. He finally groans) 
Oh, Lord! (Covers his face with his hands) 



A Transaction in Stocks 5 

Pat. Just wakin' up to the fact that you ain't home with 
James? 

Farnum {looking up). Where am I? 

Pat. You're in Griswold Sanitarium, me boy. 

Farnum. Sanitarium! (Aside) Great Scott, I must have 
strayed into a lunatic asylum. Am I awake? (Pinches him- 
self) Ouch! Yes I'm awake all right. Now where the deuce 
was I last night! Let me see, (Passes hand over forehead) 
I — I — (Impatiently) Oh, I can't think. My mind is a blank 
and a blurred blank at that. Oh, my poor head. (To Pat) 
Say, how long have I been this way? 

Pat. Sure how do Oi know? Oi wasn't with j'ou when you 
got it. 

Farnum (aside). With me when I got it! What does he 
mean? 

Pat. Sure Oi almost forgot to remember the powder. 
(Takes a small square of tissue paper, sprinkles some powder 
on it and hands it to Farnum) 

Farnum (absently). Thanks. (He rolls it into cigarette 
form. To Pat) Got a match? 

Pat (aside). Sure did you iver in all your born days see the 
loike of that? (To Farnum) You don't shmoke that. You 
eat it — swallow it. 

Farnum. Oh! Well how was I to know? (Swalloics 
powder. Pat hands him drink from syphon on table. Fasnum 
drinks. Makes wry face) Ugh ! Gad ! That must be the dark 
brown taste of the morning after you read about. 

Pat. You don't mane to tell me you had to read about 
it? 

Farnum. What the deuce are you driving at anyhow? Let 
me alone will you. I want to think. 

Pat. Go right ahead — if you think you can shtand it. (Sits 
at desk) 

Farnum (to himself). Now let me see. I went to the theatre 
with that fellow Donnelly and he took me to supper afterwards. 
He ordered a bottle of wine (Pauses) and by the way I feel 
after that bottle, he must have ordered a barrel. (To Pat) 
Say, do you know I'm beginning to suspect I was drunk. 

Pat. You don't say so. Well, kape quiet about it and nobody 
will iver get on. 

Farnum (contimiing to himself). The next thing I can re- 
member I was standing on the corner of Forty-Second Street 
and Broadway watching a parade of the Bronx Zoo. Green 
faced giraffes, two-headed zebras with red, white and blue 



6 A Transaction in Stocks 

tails, six footed bears and a yellow monkey. I remember a pink 
goat too. Had seven horns and four tails. Must have been 
mine. Then the parade passed along and the whole side of the 
street began to move. I asked a cop how long it would be 
before my club came along. He told me it had passed long 
ago and I asked him for a transfer. And .that 'svab^ut as 
much as I can remember. Seems to me tiit)ugh"I Remember 
an automobile or something like that. Oh, my head, my poor 
muddled head. But how did I ever get into this Booby-hatch? 
(To Pat) Say how in Creation did I get here anyway? 

Pat. You were brought here by your uncle. 

Fabnum (aside). My uncle! Now I know I'm crazy — or else 
he is. I don't know of any uncle within a thousand miles of 
here. (To Pat) There must be some mistake about that. 
I haven't any uncle in this part of the country. 

Pat, Be that as it may. 

Farnum (aside). He doesn't believe me. Maybe he's crazy. 
Of the harmless variety, no doubt, and the uniform is part of 
his delusion. (To Pat) I say, old top, are you a keeper here, 
or — er — or — are you just here. 

Pat. Oi'm the head attendant of this ward, if you plase. 

Fabnum. Good ! Then maybe you can tell me what I am in 
for. 

Pat. You're in for a pretty rough deal if you don't behave 
yourself. 

Farnum (aside). I always heard they were brutal in these 
asylums. (To Pat) But I say w^on't I get a chance to prove 
my sanity? 

Pat. Your phwat? 

Farnum. My sanity. I'm not crazy, you know. No crazier 
than you are — maybe not as much. 

Pat. Nobody iver said you were crazy. 

Farnum. They didn't! (Aside) Is he kidding me? I 
suppose he is waiting for me to announce myself as Julius 
Caesar or Napoleon Bonaparte. (To Pat) Well, if I'm not 
crazy why did they bring me here. 

Pat. To cure you of boozin'. 

Farnum. Of ivhatf 

Pat. Boozin' is what Oi said. You heard me, you old 
rummy. 

Farnum. You infernal w^ild-eyed Irishman. (Rises) If I 
was myself I'd break you up into little pieces for that. I'll 
have you understand that I never drink to excess and have 



A Transaction in Stocks 7 

never been drunk in all my life — unless it was last night, and 
I'll be blowed if I know how I got that way then. 

Pat {waving hand). Sure just loike the doctor says. He 
won't admit it wan bit. 

Farnum. Why, the Temperance Union down home nearly 
elected me President once and I would have had it too if I 
hadn't owned a Scotch terrier named " Highball." 

Pat. Aw, tell it to the doctor. 

Farnum. That suits me. Where is the doctor? Bring him 
in by all means. {Paces about and ivorks r.) 

ENTER Miss DuBisson c. d. She does not see Fabnum. 

Pat {jumping up). Top o' the marnin' to ye, Miss DuBisson. 

Miss DuBisson. Good morning, Patrick. Any mail for me 
this morning? 

Pat {scanning pile of letters on desk). Sure here's one. Miss. 

Miss DuBisson. Oh, it's from my aunt. {Opens letter and 
reads. Farnum signals to Pat tcho joins him) 

Farnum {to Pat). Pat, what stage is that where you see 
angels floating about? 

Pat {to audience). Bedad, the lad's got an eye for the ladies 
all right, all right. 

Farnum. Who is she? 

Pat. She's a teacher in the deaf and dumb ward. 

Farnum. Deaf and dumb ward? 

Pat. Sure! She teaches thim to read phwat you say from 
your lips and to holler with their fingers. 

Farnum. Oh, I see. Well, introduce me, will you? She's a 
perfect peach. 

Pat. Go on wid ye. Do you think the loikes of her would 
be after shpaking to the loikes of you? 

Farnum {angrihj, seizing Pat's lapels). Look here, Pat, if 
you say that again there'll be a wake down in your neighbor- 
hood and you'll play the star role. 

Pat Well, Oi can't do it anyway. She wouldn't shpake 
to you if I did give you a knock-down. Why you ought to 
see phwat she did to an old rummy here last week that was 

trying to flirt 

Farnum. You fathead ! You needn't tell her I am supposed 
to be a recruit in the rummy squad. 
Pat. Then phwat could Oi tell her? 

Farnum. Oh, any thing but that. Aha ! I've got it. Now 
I know what's the matter with me. 



8 A Transaction in Stocks 

Pat. Phwat's that? 

Farnum (striking chest). I'm deaf and dumb. 

Pat. The divil you say. (Smiling) Well, all right me boy. 
You're on. Oi'U do it. (Miss DuBisson finishes her letter. 
She sees Farnum and regards him in great surprise) Ahem — 
er — er — beggin' your pardon, Miss. 

Miss DuBisson. Yes? 

Pat. Oi've got — er that is we've got a new pupil for you. 

Miss DuBisson. Indeed ! 

Farnum (aside to Pat). Hold on there, Pat. Don't tell her 
that. I was only joking. 

Miss DuBisson. Is he both deaf and dumb? 

Pat. Er — yes. Miss. You see he came here last night — er — 
er — speechless, you know. His trunk ain't come yet and he 
ain't got nothin' but thim glad rags. 

Miss DuBisson. I see. And you say he is totally deaf? 

Pat. Sure, he's as deaf as they come. 

Farnum (aside to Pat). I'll get you for this. 

Miss DuBisson. What a shame ! So young and such a fine 
looking young man too. (Fabnum swells with pride) 

Pat. Sure, Oi can't see anything foine lookin' about him. 
(Farnum glares at him) 

Miss DuBisson. Which of the sign languages does he use? 

Pat (smiling). Sure he knows them all. (Fabnum starts) 

Miss DuBisson. That is fortunate indeed. (She makes 
signs of the deaf and dumb language to Farnum who appears 
greatly disturbed. Farnum attempts a few signs with his 
hands but soon gives up in despair and vigorously shakes hia 
head) 

Pat. Er — Oi was wrong, Miss. Oi was thinkin' of somebody 
else. You see he ain't had time to learn them signs yet.' He 
ain't been this way long. He had a shock a while back 

Miss DuBisson. Oh, I see. Well, I shall be pleased to begin 
instruction whenever he is ready. (Ooes to c. d.) 

Pat. All right, Miss. Oi'll write him a letter about it. 

Miss DuBisson (twning at c. d.). Oh, by the way, Patrick, 
an agent of a Mr. Langdon has just been to see me and I have 
an appointment this morning with Mr. Langdon. If you see a 
gentleman by that name will you kindly call me? (Fabnum 
repeats ''Langdon'* in a puzzled whisper) 

Pat. Oi'll do that. Miss. 

Miss DuBisson. Very well, thank you. [EXIT c. D. 

Fabnum. Well, you're a fine idiot you are. 

Pat. Didn't you tell me to do it? 



A Transaction in Stocks 9 

Fabnum. Oh, haven't you any sense of humor? 

Pat. Sure Oi have. That's why Oi did it. 

Fabnum. Well, I fail to see the joke. Your ideas of humor 
are rather crude, I should say. Say, what did she say that 
fellow's name was — the one with whom she has the appoint- 
ment? 

Pat. Lang— a — something or other. Why? 

Farnum. Yes, Langdon that's it? {To himself) Langdon— 
DuBisson. What do they mean to me? 

Pat. Phwat's bitinji you now? 

Farnum. Oh, I don't know. (Passes hand over forehead) 
If I could only get this head of mine working clearly I might 
tell you. (Paces up and down) 

Pat. That powder will fix you all right. 

Farnum (sees calendar on wall). Say, is that calendar 
right? 

Pat. Sure it is. Are you still thinkin' you're in a bug- 
house? 

Farnum. No— but somehow or other all these things seem 
familiar to me. DuBisson, Langdon and the 26th are associated 
in my mind, but just how I'll be blessed if I know. 

Pat. That must have been an awful package you had last 
noight. 

Farnum (gazing at calendar). Let — me — see. . What does 
the 26th mean to me. What am I suppose to do on the 26th? 
By George, I've got it. The Mining Board meets to-day. 
(Turning to Pat) Don't you see? 

Pat. Oh, sure. It's as clear as mud. 

Fabnum. Certainly. Clear as mu— No, you saphead, it's 
as clear as crystal. The Mining Board meets to-day and 
Langdon is on it. But DuBisson? Great Scott! The missing 
shares ! 

Pat. The missing scissors? 

Farnum (greatly excited). No — No — No. I said shares, not 
shears. Stocks, you know. And she has a business appDint- 
ment with Langdon. Oh, heavens, we must stop that. Pat, 
do you hear? We must stop that. 

Pat. Oh, Oi git you all right, all right. What is it? 

Farnum. I see it all now. It's a carefully laid plot with 
Langdon at the bottom of it. 

Pat (derisively). This Langdon guy must be a bad one 
though. 

Fabnum. Listen, you numb-skull, and see if this can 



10 A Transaction in Stocks 

penetrate that master-piece of the sculptor's art which serves 
you for a head. 

Pat (to audience). Is he callin' me names? 

Fabnum. I am a director of the Winona Mine, a silver mine 
which has splendid prospects if capably and honestly managed. 
I and two others control forty-five per cent, of the stock and a 
rascally clique of flim-flamming financiers headed by Laugdon 
controls a like amount — forty-five per cent. Now the other 
ten per cent of the stock is on our books in the name of 
Henry DuBisson, a mining engineer who at one time ran the 
mine. 

Pat (showing interest). The divil, you say. 

Faknum. He died five years ago out in British Colombia 
but was survived by a daughter, who undoubtedly holds the 
stock. Needless to say both of us have left nothing undone 
to locate this girl, but neither one of us has succeeded 
or at least had not succeeded, the last I heard. The girl is, of 
course, making no effort to hide herself and according to my 
detectives this has made the search tremendously difficult. 
Now Langdon wants control of that company and he wants 
it badly too. With his schemes of over-capitalization and 
misleading dividends, he stands to make half a million out of 
it, and — well, Langdon could be hanged for what he'd do for 
half a million. 

Pat. And so could Oi. 

Farnum. And now for the plot. The fellow who took me to 
the theatre last night pretended to be a Western Millionaire, 
but he was really Langdon's agent. He tried to argue me into 
selling my stock and when I refused he persuaded me to ac- 
company him to supper, drugged my food and brought me 
here. They framed-up a cock and bull story that they cal- 
culated would keep me here a few days. In the meantime 
the boar^l meets. My colleagues are there giving Langdon 
a quorum, but I am absent giving him control. In other 
words he won't need the missing shares. He can run the meet- 
ing to suit himself. 

Pat. Well, phwat do you know about that? Oi don't git the 
foine points but Oi git the main idea. This Langdon guy is a 
crook and wants to do you dirty. 

Farnum. Exactly. But here is a part I can't explain. 
Langdon has an appointment with Miss DuBisson, who is un- 
doubtedly the Miss DuBisson who holds the stock. He made it 
through an agent this morning. Now how do you account for 
that? 



A Transaction in Stocks 11 

Pat. Begorra, 01 don't. This is your story. 

Farnum. I think I see the explanation of it. I know that 
Langdon has recently obtained the services of one of the best 
detectives in the country and no doubt this detective has just 
succeeded in locating Miss DuBisson. Can you imagine 
Langdon's feelings when he finds she is under the same roof 
with me? (Laughs) I wonder whether he will come here and 
risk meeting me. 

Pat. Sure, Oi suppose he figures we don't let our patients 
wander around loose. The boss told me to pack you away 
long ago. 

Farnum. Not to-day, Pat, not to-day. This is my busy day. 
Fate has smiled upon me and far be it from me not to take 
advantage of her favor. I must see Miss DuBisson at once. 

Pat. But you can't talk to her. (Strikes chest in imitation 
of Farnum ) You're deaf and dumb. 

Farnum. So I am, hang it all. And if I tell her the truth 
now, it will destroy any little confidence she may have in me 
and she will refuse to treat with me. How long have I got to 
work? When does the next train arrive from New York? 
Langdon is sure to be on it. 

Pat (looking at ivatch). In about twinty minutes. 

Farnum. What! In twenty minutes? And you sit there 
doing nothing? 

Pat. Sure, phwat can Oi do? 

Farnum. I'll tell you. Is there a costumer nearby? 

Pat. You mean where you git suits for the masquerade? 

Farnum. Yes, that's it. 

Pat. Sure. There's one right down the line next to Duffy's 
cafe. 

Farnum. Well, you rusli down there as fast as you can 
move and have them fit you out as a lady. 

Pat. Me? A lady? 

Farnum. Yes. Don't you see when Langdon calls you are 
Miss DuBisson and you refuse to sell your stock at any price. 

Pat. Bedad, it's the divil of a lookin' girl Oi'll make, Oi'm 
a thinkin'. 

Farnum. Oh, don't worry about that, you'll do all right. 
Langdon is near-sighted and he won't be able to tell you from 
Lillian Russell. (Hands him hill) Here, take this money and 

Pat. Well Oi'll do it to help you out, but Oi won't be 
reshponsible wan bit. 
Faenum. Oh, go on. Hurry now and don't fall into Duffy's. 



12 A Transaction in Stocks 

(Pushes Pat otit of d. l. EXIT Pat) Now I must see Miss 
DuBisson and put myself straight with her. But how? I'd 
hate to get in bad with her. (Smiles) Gad, isn't she a peach 
though? 

ENTER Miss DuBisson c. d. 

Miss DuBisson. I wonder if I left my manual here. 
(Searches around desk) 

Faenum (to audience). Ah, there she is. Luck is with me 
again. Now how the deuce am I going to begin? 

Miss DuBisson. Ah, I see my new pupil is still here. I 
must find out more about him. I wonder who he is. 

Farnum (to audience). That's my cue. (Takes card from 
pocket and bowing formally, hands it to Miss DuBisson) 

NOTE. — During the following scene all lines, except " asides ** 
are written. Miss DuBisson reads aloud as she writes and 
then hands papers to Faenum who reads silently. Miss 
DuBisson also reads aloud Fabnum's lines each time as he 
hands her what he has written. Care should be taken not to 
drag this scene. 

Miss DuBisson (reading card). Gerald Farnum, counsellor, 
at law. How funny, a lawyer who can't talk. (Farnum sits 
at desk and tcrites) Oh, he is writing to me. (Farnum hands 
paper to Miss DuBisson, who reads aloud) When may I begin 
my studies? (Aside) He wants to begin at once, poor fellow. 
How dreadful it must be to be unable to communicate with 
one's fellow beings, except in writing — and a lawyer too. (Sits 
at other side of desk, writes and reads aloud as she writes) 
You may begin at once. (Hands paper to Farnum ivho reads 
and smiles thankfully at her. Aside) Oh, I think he has the 
loveliest eyes. 

Farnum (writes — May I ask your name?) 

Miss DuBisson (reads). May I ask your name? (Aside) 
T* wonder if he is trying to flirt. No, it is natural that he 
should want to know my name and he doesn't look like a flirt. 
(Writes) My name is Alice DuBisson. 

Farnum (raising eyebrows in feigned surprise. Writes — 
Your name is very familiar) 

Miss DuBisson (reads). Your name is very familiar. 
(Aside) Yes, I believe he is trying to flirt. I must not let it go 
further. He certainly has dandy eyes, and such a cute mouth, 
quite kissable. 



A Transaction in Stocks 



13 



Faenvm (stirs uneasily. Aside). I wonder if I am blushing 
MissDuBissoN (imYes). DuBisson is an odd name Where 

^tr Tn^T''^ '^ ^"^^''- ^^^^^^) There, that will stump 
him. He 11 have quite a time thinking up where he heard mv 
name before. "^ 

Z'^IT^ ^'"'^'^'''r^ ^'""^"^ ""^ ^ ^^'^^"^ ^^^ ^y that name) 
Miss DuBisson (reads). I knew of a Western man by that 
name. (Aside) I wonder if that was a chance shot or whether 
he really knew father. I know what I'll do. Father was a 
mining engineer, so to catch him VU ask him if the man he 
knew was a doctor. (Writes) Was he a doctor? 
Farnum (writes—No, he was a mining engineer) 

,4^T.^T^^T ^'''''^'^' ^^' ^'^ ^'^^« ^ °^i"i"g engineer. 
(Aside) It looks as if he did know father after all. I must 
put him to one more test. Our home was in Butte, so I'll 
ask him— (She pauses, pencil poised over paper. Writes) Did 
he live in San Francisco? 

Farnum (ivrites—lSlo, in Butte, Montana) 

Miss DuBisson (reads). No, in Butte, Montana. (Aside) 
Oh, he did know father. Isn't it strange ! ( Writes) That was 
my father. (Aside) Now, how could he have known dad? 

Farnum (icrites—1 am glad to meet his daughter. I knew of 
him through the Winona Mine) 

Miss DuBisson (reads). I am glad to meet his daughter 
I knew of him through the Winona Mine. (Aside) Through 
the Winona! That is stranger still. I wonder if he is in- • 
terested in the Winona. 

Farnum (writes— 1 am a stockholder and a director in the 
Winona ) 

Miss DuBisson (reads). I am a stockholder and a director 
in the Winona. (Aside) Gracious, that's uncanny! He seems 
to read my thoughts. I hadn't noticed it before. 

Farnum (ivrites—Mny I ask if you have any stock of that 
mine?) 

Miss DuBisson (reads). May I ask if you have any stock of 
that mine? (Aside) Can it be that he wants to buy that stock 
too? (Writes) Yes. 

Farnum (writes— Vll buy that stock at your own price) 
Miss DuBisson (reads). I'll buy that stock at your own 
price. (Aside) There is something peculiar about this. Why 
should both these men want to buy that stock? Why. I have 
never received a cent from it and I thought it was worthless. 
I wonder why they are both so anxious to get it. I suppose I 
Should have asked more for it. Well, it's too late now. 



14 A Transaction in Stocks 

(Farnum grips table) I signed a contract with that man this 
morning and Mr. Langdon will be here soon to close the deal. 

Farnum (aside). Damn! 

Miss DuBisson (tvrites). I have already sold my stock. 

Farnum {after reading paper, jumps up. Aside). Can you 
beat that for luck? Oh, for a good loud holler! 

Miss DuBisson (aside). He seems awfully put out about it. 
I'm sorry I can't sell those old stocks to him. I've taken quite 
a fancy to him. (Farnum smiles at this) If he wasn't deaf 
and dumb what a splendid husband he would make. Well, I 
think I shall have to get his mind away from those stocks. 
I'll change the topics. 

Farnum (aside). Unlucky lii business, but how's that for 
luck in love? Think I'll propose now. 

Miss DuBisson (ivrites). This was to have been a lesson in 
sign languages. (Rises and hands paper to Farnum) 

Farnum (returning to desk, writes — How do you say I love 
you?) 

Miss DuBisson (reads). How do you say I love you? 
(Aside) What a question! (Suddenly turns to desk and 
writes) You don't say that with your fingers. You say it with 
your arms. (Hands paper to Farnum who reads it and makes 
a move toward her, hut she eludes him. EXIT laughingly c. d.) 

Farnum (following her to c. d.). Isn't she a corker? By 
George, there's no doubt about it, this is my lucky day. I'll 
beat Langdon to that stock yet. 

ENTER Pat d. l., in woman's costume and ivig. He saunters c, 
attempts a courtesy, stumbles and falls in a heap. 

Farnum (laughing). Pat, the elephant is a wood-nymph com- 
pared to you. If you can't do better than that, you're fired. 

Pat (sitting up). Sure, go ahead and fire me. You can't 
make me mad. 

Farnum. Oh, cheer up, you'll soon get the hang of it. 

Pat (rising). Bedad, that's jist phwat bothers me is the hang 
of it. Sure the bloody things hang all around you and, begorra, 
Oi can't tell whether Oi'm comin' or goin'. 

Farnum (laughs). That's tough, Pat. But say, you'll have 
to modulate your voice a bit, you know. 

Pat (in a high falsetto). How's that? 

Farnum. Rotten ! Cut that. 

Pat. Well, that's the best Oi can do. 

Farnum. Then you will have to tell him you're a suffragette 
and ruined your voice hollering Votes for Women, 



A Transaction in Stocks 15 

Pat. Oi'll do that. 

Fabnum. Now listen closely, Pat. She has already signed 
an agreement to sell her stock to Langdon and he is coming 
to close the deal. Now you tell him you have seen your lawyer 
and have been advised not to sell. Bluff him out of it if you 
can, you know. 

Pat. Sure Oi got you. But phwat do you suppose the boss 
will say when he hears of me playing masquerade. 

Farnum. Oh, I'll fix that all right, Pat. 

Pat. Well, if anybody was to tell me Oi'd do this for them, 
Oi'd bouce me fist off his dome, Oi would. 

Farnum. You have gone too far to back out now, Pat. 
(Footsteps arc heard of stage) Hush, here he is now I'll 
wager. Quick now, pull yourself together. I'll vanish. (Goes 
behind screen) Remember now, Pat, you wouldn't sell that 
stock to your own brother for less than a million. 

Pat. Righto. {Sits at table) 

ENTER Langdon, d. l. He gazes cautiously about, sees Pat 
and starts. 

Langdon. Ahem — My good girl, can you tell me how I can see 
Miss DuBisson? 

Pat. Oi can. 

Langdon {after pause). Well then, how can I? 

Pat. Take a look. 

Langdon. Eh ! 

Pat. Oi said take a look. 

Langdon {aside). Great Scott, can it be that that young 
washerwoman is the girl? {To Pat) Do I understand you to 
say you are Miss DuBisson? 

Pat. You do. 

Langdon {aside). How extraordinary! (To Pat) Well, I 
am Mr. Langdon. I came about 

Pat. Oh, Oi know you alright. 

Langdon. Well then, my dear Miss DuBisson, let us get 
down to business at once. 

Pat. You said a page full, turn over. 

Langdon. What's that? Ah — er — may I — er — ask if we 
are — er — safe from interruption? 

Pat. Sure, you're as safe as you would be on a battlefield. 

Langdon. Eh! {Aside) Dashed if I can follow her. {To 
Pat) There is no danger then of any of the patients intruding? 

Pat. Not wan bit. Oi just locked them all up for the day. 



16 A Transaction in Stocks 

Langdon. Very good. Very good indeed. Then we shall 
dispense with any further parleying and close the deal at once. 

Farnum {from, 'behind screen). Look out now, Pat. 

Langdon. I suppose, my dear Miss DuBisson, you keep your 
stock in a safe deposit vault? 

Pat. Look here now, young feller, don't you call me your 
dear 'cause Oi ain't used to no such talk 

Langdon. Of course, how careless of me. Well then, Miss 
DuBisson, may I inquire where you keep your stock? 

Pat {feigning shyness). Oh, Oi couldn't tell that to a gentle- 
man. 

Langdon. You couldn't? Why not? 

Pat. Well you see Oi'm in the habit of carrying all me 
valuables around with me and 

Langdon {aside). Great Heavens ! Maybe that accounts for 
her shape. {To Pat) Well, of course, my dear — er — that is, 
Miss DuBisson, that is a detail we can arrange later. Now we 
have yet to arrange the trifling matter of the price at which 
I shall take these over. 

Pat. One million will suit me. 

Langdon. One million? Are you crazy? 

Pat. Make it a billion, and for that matter while Oi'm 
at it Oi might as well make it a trillion. Sure if Oi had any 
education Oi'd raise you higher than that, but bedad, that's the 
highest Oi know. 

Langdon. What is the meaning of this rambling talk? 

Pat. It's all off. That's phwat it means. 

Farnum {from behind screen. Aside to Pat). Thata boy, 
Pat, thata boy. 

Langdon. What are you talking about? 

Pat. That's plain enough, ain't it. Oi said it's all off. 

Langdon. Has anyone been tampering with you? What is 
the reason for this sudden change? 

Pat. Me lawyer won't let me sell. 

Langdon. Oh, that is it, is it? He wants his share of the 
pie. Well, who is he? I'll fix him up. 

Pat. What's that to you who he is? 

Langdon. Look here, young lady, I'll have you understand 
I am not to be trifled with in this matter. I didn't come all 
the way from New York on a fool's errand. 

Pat. Sure, you invited yourself. 

Langdon. That is not the question. You agreed to sell me 
your stock in the Winona Mining Company and unless you 
agree to terms within reason I shall take them from you 



A Transaction in Stocks 17 

without paying you a cent. (Aside) A little bluff will do it. 

Pat (rising). You will, will you? Well, I'd loike to see you 
try any of those shenanigans with me. 

Fabnum (from behind screen, aside to Pat). Good boy, Pat. 
Keep it up. 

Langdon. You leave me no other course by this foolhardy 
procedure. 

Pat. Oi don't, heh? Well one more from you loike that and 
Oi'U knock you so far it will cost you ten cents to send a postal. 

Langdon (rising). Don't you dare threaten me with violence, 
you brazen Amazon. 

Pat. Brazen Amityzon is it? Well, bedad, Oi'U show you 
to call a reshpectable workin' girl names loike that. (Advances 
toward Langdon brandishing fists) 

Langdon. Keep away, I warn you, or I shall be compelled to 
strike you. (Raises cane threateningly) 

Pat (to audience). Sure, and did you git that? He wants 
to hit me with that shilaleh. (To Langdon) Begorra, you old 
fog-eyed turnip, Oi'll show you. (Makes a pass at Langdon, 
ivho backs away) 

Langdon (shouting). Don't you dare, keep away, I tell you! 
(Pat follows him and Langdon strikes him with cane. Pat 
staggers slightly from force of bloiv and is just setting himself 
for a blow at Langdon when Fabnum rushes out from behind 
screen, seizes Pat by shoulders and forces him to floor) 

Fabnum (in a whisper to Pat). Lie still, Pat. Don't move, 
don't breathe. You're dead ! 

Langdon (starting back). Farnum! 

Fabnum (kneeling at Pat's side). Yes, Mr. Langdon, just 
in time to witness the fatal blow. 

Langdon (in a hoarse whisper). Fatal! Good God, Farnum, 
don't say that. 

Fabnum. Your blow struck her temple. (Listening at Pat's 
heart) The girl is dead! 

Langdon. Dead? Oh, my God! (He sinks into chair and 
sobs aloud) 

Fabnum. Come, Mr. Langdon, this is no time for maudlin 
sentimentality. (Pat lifts his head to view the proceedings, 
but Fabnum pushes him back ivith his foot while facing 
Langdon) 

Langdon. Farnum, you know it was self defense. 

Fabnum. I know nothing of the sort. (liANGDON breaks out 
sobbing again) As I came through that door I saw you strike 
this poor girl with your cane. That is all I know. 



18 A Transaction in Stocks 

Langdon {tremUing). But it teas self defense, Farnum. 
It was, I tell you, it was. 

Faenum. You could hardly expect a jury to consider a plea 
of self defense when the victim is a frail little girl like that. 
{Points to Pat, ivlio shakes ivith laughter. Fabnum silences 
him with a sideivise kick) 

Langdon. I tell you, Farnum, she would have killed me. 
There was murder in her eye. Oh, what can I do, what can I 
do! 

' Farnum. Langdon, if you tell me the truth I may be able 
to save you from the electric chair. 

Langdon (in terror). For God's sake, Farnum, don't say 
that. 

Farnum. Why not? What is ahead of you? A speedy trial, 
a speedier conviction, then a lone dark cell and finally some 
fine morning a trip through a low green door 

Langdon {shrieking). Stop! Stop! 

Farnum. Langdon, tell me why did you come here to see that 
girl. The truth now ! 

Langdon {ivhimpering) . Her name is DuBisson, she 

Farnum. The holder of the missing shares? 

Langdon. Yes. 

Farnum. And she would not sell? 

Langdon. No, no, no. My man saw her this morning and 
she agreed to sell. I have her signed statement. 

Farnum. Very well. I'll tell you what I will do. You give 
me that signed statement and I will see that this goes as self 
defense. 

Langdon. You will? God bless you. {Pauses) But no, I 
won't give up that statement. It isn't fair, Farnum, for you 
to take advantage of my unfortunate position and rob me of 
the fruits of my toil. 

Farnum. Your toil? Why, you sharping, thieving — but come 
— I won't waste words on that now. {Goes to d. l. and takes 
out ivatch) You will hand me that paper in sixty seconds or I 
call the police. 

Langdon. No, no. Don't do that. {His gaze ivanders from 
Farnum to the inert form of Pat. He starts violently) All 
right, I'll give it to you. Here it is. (Hands paper to Farnum, 
who pockets it with a smile of triumph) 

Farnum. Very good. Now it remains for me to get you out 
of here as quickly as possible. 

Miss DuBisson (heard calling off stage). Patrick. 

Langdon. What is that? 



A Transaction in Stocks 19 

Farnum {goes to c. d., aside). Great Heavens, if she comes 
in here now she will spoil it all. {Returns to Langdon) 
Quick, someone is coming. {Hustles Langdon off d. r.) Get 
in here and don't move till I call you. I will dispose of the 
corpse for the time being. (EXIT Langdon. To Pat) Come 
now, get up and get behind that screen. 

Pat {scramUing to Ms feet). Will Oi have to be dead again.' 
Farnum. I don't know yet. Get in there and keep quiet. 
{Pttshes Pat J)eJiind screen) Just when I thought I had every- 
thing fixed ! Langdon is sure to find out how we tricked him 
unless I can get him out of here in a hurry. What shall I do? 
(Ooes E.) 

ENTER Ikliss DuBissoN c. D. 

Miss DuBisson {ga:ses ahout). No one here but my hand- 
some new scholar. I fancied I heard sounds of a struggle 
coming from here. Must have been one of those awful patients 
in the alcoholic ward. I hope he is not around here now. 
{Walks about looking for a possible hidden intruder) 

Farnum {aside). I've got it. I'm going to try it while my 
luck holds out. If I can get her to marry me, I'll be as happy 
as a lark and Langdon can find out as much as he pleases 
I'm going to propose this minute. {Strides holdlij over to Miss 
DuBissoN. She turns and their eyes meet. Farnum swallows 
hard and they stand looking into each othefs eyes for a 
moment. Suddenly) Say, will you mai-ry ^le? ^ (Miss 
DuBissoN screams and runs to other side of room Farnum 
folloivs her) There's nothing to be frightened about. I-l-i 
didn't mean any harm, you know. 

Miss DuBissoN. And can you hear too? 

Farnum. Perfectly. .^ r^ ^^« 

IMiss DuBissoN. And to think of all I've said. Oh, you 
wretch you— you viUain! {Buries face in hands) 

F^n'um Oh, please don't take it like that, it was only one 

""^If '(/'o'f 6eS'.creen). That's right! blame it all on me 
Miss DUBISSON. Don't say another word. Don't speak to 

"farVum'' Burwon't you listen to me? Won't you let me 

^^l!Sgdon {Sticks head out of d. r., and signals to Farnum). 

""'farnum {aside to Langdon). Get back iu there. What do 
you want? 



20 A Transaction in Stocks 

Langdon (iveakly). I can't, Farnum, I can't. (Farnum goes 
to D. L.) I see strange white shapes and I thought I heard a" 
woman's scream just like she must have screamed, although I 
don't remember. 

Farnum. Just your imagination. Now get back there and 
stay in there till I call you. 

Langdon {points to screen, over the top of tchich Pat's head 
is seen gazing inquiringly about). My God, look! 

Farnum. Well, stay in there and you won't see those things. 
(Pushes Langdon back and closes the door. Miss DuBisson 
has seated herself and is crying quietly, her face in her hands 
Farnum goes to her side) Let me tell my story before you pass 
judgment on me, won't you? 

Miss DuBisson. But you had no right to let me say all those 
things about you. You're — you're mean. 

Farnum. Well, that's some improvement over wretch and 
villain. {Seizes her hand) Listen, girlie, I am here through 
a queer combination of circumstances and it will take me a long 
while to tell you all the details, but it won't take me long to 
tell you that from the moment I first laid eyes on you, less than 
an hour ago, I knew you and I were meant for each other. 
You are the girl I've been looking for all these years — ever 
since I first knew the meaning of the word love. I don't need 
to know you any more intimately than I do now to realize that 
you are the only girl in the world for me. I can see it in your 
eyes. Come, now that a kind Providence has brought us to- 
gether, surely you won't spoil it all by saying no. Let me hear 
you say yes. 

Miss DuBisson. No — I won't say yes — I won't, I won't ! 

Farnum. But dearie, you, yourself said I would make a fine 
husband If I could talk. Now let me spend the rest of my days 
telling you what a fine wife you'll make. {Places his arm 
around her) Ah, go on, marry me, won't you please? 

Miss DuBisson. I won't, I won't. (Farnum draws her 
gently to him) I won't, I tell you I won't. I — {She buries her 
face on Farnum's shoulder and murmurs) won't. 

Farnum {patting her shoulder). No, of course not, darling. 
You won't refuse me. {She clings to him half sobbing) 

Pat {from behind screen). Well, can you beat that? If that 
boy stays here much longer he'll own the place. 

Langdon {coming out of d. r. ). Farnum, I tell you I can't 
stand it alone in there. {Sees Farnum and Miss DuBisson in 
embrace) Eh! What's this? 



A Transaction in Stocks 21 

Faenum. You here again? Didn't I tell you to stay in 
there? 

Langdon. Don't make me go back there, Farnura. I can't, I 
can't. (In a hushed whisper) She is always at my elbow and 
I hear a voice saying, you killed Miss DuBisson, you killed 
Miss DuBisson. 

Miss DuBisson. Killed Miss DuBisson? What do you mean? 
I am Miss DuBisson, 

Langdon. You — you Miss DuBisson? 

Miss DuBisson. That is my name. 

Farnum. Let me explain, darling. This man and myself are 
both directors in the Winona Mine. He has tried repeatedly to 
secure control of the Company and by his nefarious schemes 
run it to rack and ruin and robbed every stockholder in the 
company. I was able to block his schemes, because I control 
as much stock as he does. Your stock would give either one 
of us control, and naturally we have both tried to locate you 
and buy your stock. Last night, despairing of finding you, he 
had me neatly drugged and brought here hoping to prevent 
my presence at the Board meeting to-day. By a peculiar chance 
he put me under the same roof with you, a fact which his 
detective discovered this morning. 

Miss DuBisson. That man was a detective? 

Farnum. Yes, a detective hired by Langdon here to trace 
you. Then, to resume my explanation. I was passed off as 
deaf and dumb by Pat and I learned of your arrangements 
with Langdon. I got Pat to impersonate you and we gave Mr. 
Langdon a little taste of his own methods and succeeded in 
convincing him he killed you during an altercation which took 
place when Pat refused to sell the stock. Then Mr. Langdon 
was kind enough to give me the agreement you signed this 
morning, and well, that explains all. 

Miss DuBisson. What a strange story ! It has been a most 
peculiar transaction in stocks, but I see everything clearly now. 

Langdon (who has recovered). Yes, and so do I. (To 
Farnum) And as for you, you smart Alec, I shall have the 
pleasure of seeing you in jail in a very few minutes. 

Farnum. Better go slow, Langdon. You haven't much to go 
on, you know, and besides I imagine some of your friends 
would be rather amused to learn how easy it is to fool the 
crafty Langdon. 

Pat (coming out from behind screen). Yes, and besides you 
ain't through with me yet. 



22 A Transaction in Stocks 

Faenum. You will have to be generous, Pat, and call your 
score settled. 

Langdon. You can't bully me with fear of ridicule or 
violence. I'll gladly face the ridicule and all just to have the 
pleasure of seeing this young lady's testimony send you to jail. 

Farnum {laughs). You'd better act quickly if you are count- 
ing on this little girl's testimony. 

Langdon. Quickly? Why? 

Farnum. Well, you see in this country they don't allow a 
wife to testify against a husband. 

Langdon. Husband — wife? 

Farnum. Yes. Or rather we will be as soon as I can find a 
parson, 

Pat. Yes, and in the manetime, you flat-faced old mud turtle, 
you'd better be gettin' along before Oi forget Oi'm a gentle- 
man. 

Langdon {choking with rage, seises hat and cane which are 
proffered him by Farnum, utters a loud bah, stalks to d. l., 
endeavors to speak, dut his efforts to articulate end in another 
loud BAH. EXITS hurriedly d. l.) 

Faiinvm {laughingly). So much for Mr. Langdon. And now, 
dearie, do you think we could use Pat around the house? 

Miss DuBissoN. Indeed we can. He has had such good ex- 
perience as a girl. 

Pat. That Oi have, but Oi go as meself or not at all. 

Farnum. Don't worry about that, Pat. We'll take you just 
as you are — just plain Pat. Now your first duty will be to run 
down to the garage and get a car to take us to New York. 

Pat. Righto! Oi can take a hint when it comes my way. 

[EXIT D. L. 

Farnum {returning to Miss DuBisson). And now, dearie, 
how was that you say " I love you " in the sign language? 
{She throws her arms around him) 

QUICK CURTAIN. 



PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE 

A Comedy in Three Ads, by Frank H. Bernard 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

CHARACTERS 
Philip Morningside, a promising New York Attorney. 
Major Philander Mumfo'rd, a Veteran of '6i. 
Pierre Marquette, of Paris and New York. 

Patrick Mooney, M. P., Secretary of the Home Rule Association 
Peter Martin, a timid young man with a desire to be "sporty." 
Paul Marvel, a private detective. 

Phyllis Morningside, Pliilip's up-to-date wife with ambitions. 
Phoebe Martingale, has been a widow on four occasions. 
Penelope Mumford, a veritable "butter-in" at all times. 
Patrice Mumford, her only child. She has just "come out." 
Angela ) 

Alice >- Trio of Vassar "bright lights." 
Amy \ 

Pansy, a housemaid of the "fresh" variety. 
Patience, who also assumes "domestic" affairs. 

Two Scenes, One Interior and One Exterior. 
Time of Representation — Two hours. 
Phyllis, wife of Fliilip, is to inherit the fortune of a deceased East 
Indian uncle, provided she marries his adopted son, who presumably is about 
to visit her. Being already married and most desirous of obtaining the 
fortune, she conceals the matter from her husband. Two men call upon 
her bearing introductory letters which she does not read, supposing each in 
turn to be the adopted son. The subterfuges she invents to account for 
their presence lead to many perplexing mistakes, which are finally satis- 
factorily arranged when it transpires that her husband is identified as the 
adopted son. 



THE RED ROSETTE 

A WESTERN DRAMA IN THREE ACTS. BY GORDON V. MAY 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

A typical drama of the Far West. The Major in command of a military 
fort advertises in New York papers for a wife, and elicits a response from 
a rich middle-aged lady. As a means of identification, each is to wear a red 
rosette. The lady arrives accompanied by her niece. The rosettes get 
into other hands, resulting in complications both ludicrous and serious. The 
niece is abducted and rescued by a young officer, a previous West Point 
acquaintance. The results are obvious. This play offers fine opportunities 
for character parts, and is replete with startling situations. 

CHARACTERS 

Major Philander Braggs, who owns one rosette Character 

Miss Ophelia Skidder, who ov.ns the opposite rosette Old Lady 

Lieut. Philip Manley, who gets the Major's rosette Lead 

Clare Brooks, who gets the other rosette .Lead 

Robert Ruthvan, who gets into trouble Heavy 

Dandy Davis, who gets his deserts Heavy 

Tom Scott, Sheriff, who gets his man Straight 

Pop Bowley, who gets some boarders Straight 

Kitty Bowley, who gets Tom Scott Ingenue 

Three Scenes, Two Interior and One Exterior. 
Tims of Representation — Two hours. 



NEW PLAYS 



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HCX)SIER SCHOOL, The. is cents, a farcical sketch in I act, by 
William and Josephine Giles. 5 males, 5 females, 4 of whom can be boys and 4 girls, 
1 interior scene. Time, about 30 minutes. A realistic picture of a district school 
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SCRUBTOWN SEWING CIRCLE'S THANKSGIVING, The. 

15 cents. An old ladies' sociable, by Maude L. Hall. 6 female characters, i in- 
terior scene. Time, 35 minutes. A characteristic entertainment in which, among 
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An all star study of character with an unusual send off. 

DOLLY'S DOUBLE. 1 5 cents, a musical vaudeville sketch in i act, 
jy Charles Stuart, i male and i female character assuming two parts.^ i interior 
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JOHN'S EMMY, is cents. A vaudeville sketch in one act, by Charles 
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TOM COBB J or Forttioc's Toy. is cents. Farcical comedy in 3 
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left a fortune, which is taken possession of by the Colonel., and Tom has great difficulty 
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DELEGATES FROM DENVER, The 2s cents. A farcical 

comedy in 2 acts, by Samuel N. Clark. 3 male, 10 female characters. 2 interior 
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RAINBOW KIMONA, The. 2S cents, a comedy for girls in 2 acts, 
by Eleanor Maud Crane. 9 female characters, i interior scene. Time, an hour 
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MILITARY PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

M. P. 

BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours ^O 4 

EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2}4 hours 10 4 

PRISONER OF ANDERSONVILLE. 4 Acts; 2^ hours.. 10 4 

CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; li^ hours 9 6 

ISABEL, THE PEARL. OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 3 

LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 4 

BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2]^ hours 9 3 

BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 3 



RURAL PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 9 

AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 2^4 hours 8 

OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 21^ hours; 1 Stage Settuig 7 

GREAT WINTERSON MINE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 

SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2]^ hours 5 

WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3Acts;2hours 4 

FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; Ihour... 6 

LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 



ENTERTAINMENTS 

25 CENTS EACH 

AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 11 

BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 2 30 

IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; li^ hours 19 15 

JAPANESE WEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour 3 10 

MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 hours 6 9 

OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; 1«4 hours 4 4 

YE VILLAGE SKE^VL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 

FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 

JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 

CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 

EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 8 

BUNCH OF ROSES. (l5 cents.) 1 Act; IJ^ hours 1 13 

OVER THE GARDEN WALL. (15 cents) 11 8 



DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



COMEDIES AND I 

25 CENTS EACI 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




015 910 044 3 



BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4 Acts; 2ho 
BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2^^ hours. 

COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 

COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2}^ hours 9 

DEACON. 5 Acts; 21^ hours., 8 

DELEGATES FROM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 3 

DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3Act8;2hours 6 

E ASTSIDERS, Tlie. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 

ESCAPED FROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 

GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2}^ hours 5 

GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2}^ hours 5 

IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 3 Acts; li^ hours 4 

JAILBIRD. 5 Acts; 21^ hours 6 

JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4Act8;2hours 7 

MY LADY DARRELL. 4 Acts; 21^ hours 9 

MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2}^ hours 13 

NEXT DOOR. 3Acts;2hours 6 

PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 

REGULAR FLIRT. 3Acts;2hours 4 

ROGUE'S LUCK. 3 Acts; 2 hours .'. 5 

SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 6 

STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2!^ hours 5 

WHAT'S NEXT? 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 7 

WHITE LIE. 4Acts; 2i^hour8 4 



WESTERN PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

ROCKY FORD. 4 Acts; 2 hours 8 

GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 21^ hours.... 11 

RED ROSETTE. 3 Acts: 2 hours 6 

MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2^^ hours... 5 

STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 214 hours. 9 



DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



■iiilli 

015 910 044 3 # 



Hollinger Corp. 
pH8.5 



